To: Andrea
From: Gramma
Grampa was studying at Fuller ---Alan and Jon were in Middle school and Lisa in elementary school. We spent all the money we had for our tithe, the first semester of school for Grampa, our rent, His books and food. We had nothing left to pay for second semester, and only enough cash to either buy a big bag of rice for food that month, or a decent meal for us and two friends who were coming for dinner the next day. I was studying Isaiah that morning and came to the verses below. In the version I was reading they read:
"When the poor and needy search for water, and THERE IS NONE, and their tongues are parched with thirst
I the Lord will answer them
I the God of Israel will not forsake them
I will make rivers flow on barren heights
and springs within the valleys
I will turn the desert into pools of water
and the parched ground into springs" (Is 41:17-18)
I felt a nudge from God that he would supply our need when we had nothing and that I was not to cancel the dinner date we had made with our two friends, so I spent what we had on food for the dinner. During the meal, the husband casually said:
"So Jack, how good it is that Fuller doesn't charge anything for missionaries to study"
"Oh," Grampa said casually, "Actually they do charge missionaries."
"What!" gasped our guest, "They charge you???"
"Yes," said Grampa simply.
"How much do they charge you?" The guest persisted.
"Oh more or less----" And Grampa gave the sum that it was back then.
Our guest fell silent and nothing more was said about it.
We had a lovely afternoon and then they left
When I cleaned up the table, I found a check wrapped in the cloth napkin I had used. It was written for the full price of the whole year at Fuller----We had enough to pay the next semester and to buy food and meet other needs as well. God had indeed poured water on thirsty ground.
That is only one story of many many others.
May you come to love this Holy God whose name includes: Jehova Jireh- The Lord our provider.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Opus Part 1
I recently read a review for the newest show of a one-man playwright that I like. And the both the concept of the play and reviewers perspective on it stuck me as salient to this journey I’ve been on- exploring the meaning of tithing and worship and the role of money in God’s economy.
(read the review here, if you like)
At the beginning of the show, as the audience takes their seats, they are handed cash. Ones, twenties, fivers, ect. The play (more of a monologue really) and circles around the subject of money and particularly America’s “Faith” in it (almost Worship of it, seems to be the implication). At the end of the show, the audience is informed that the cash in their hand is money from the performers bank account. They are left with a choice, pocket the money or leave it in a bowl on the way out. The reviewer notes that “After all, that dollar has been sitting in my pocket for two hours, and when I put it in the bowl it feels, for a fleeting moment, like I am actually giving up something.”
The pang of loss, surrender even, is I am ashamed to say not that far off from the feeling I get when I click the “Submit” (interesting word play, in this sense) button on my tithing day. It’s ridiculous! It’s not the much, and I intellectually believe that all money I have doesn’t belong to me at all! It ALL belongs to God. It is even more clear in my case because He, and He only, orchestrated getting me my job. The whole reason I have a paycheck at all is because of Him and I’m feeling loss with a measly $200 bucks a month? Is my attachment to money so great?
Why? Why do humans hate giving up, unclenching their hands from money? Mike Daisy, the performer (via the reviewer in this case) had an interesting insight “He illustrates the relationship between money and trust this way: “I don’t buy that. That’s what we say in our culture when we don’t believe something.” I don’t know the direction the author will take it, but for me it drives hard at our sense of control. We Americans, control our sense weakness through money. I love the indestructible feeling I get when I know my paycheck is sitting snugly in my bank. I have this sense that any calamity could come, and I could pay for it. Or I could walk in to a store on a whim and buy something useless, TWO even, and not be concerned with the consequences.
In some sense, we ought have that thrilling, come-hell-or-high-water sense ALL the time. Not because the number in our bank account swells twice a month, but because we have the God of the Universe as our generous Father. A father promising to bless us with life abundant. Someone told recently “We should live, in spontaneous generosity and unharrowed spirit, a like our father is a billionaire” I took that to mean that we are missing the point if we are scraping around for pennies, stressing and striving, when God it like “LOOK UP! I’m your provider!” We are too busy painfully sacrificing, to see that God is sending a Ram in the bushes.
So just what am I implying here? Am I saying to throw caution in the wind, stop worrying about budgets because when things get tight a miraculous check will appear in the mail from our Heavenly Billionair Father?
Honestly. At this point I don’t know. Maybe I am. This has happened before. And as I’m reading through the Old Testament scouring for the roots of tithing that’s pretty much God’s M.O. Manna from Heaven. Total reliance. To the Israelites he wasn’t just talking about spiritual blessing. He was talking about silver and gold and beer and farms they did not build and wells they did not dig, and parties and kids and milk and honey. Wealth. He wanted to make them wealthy. That aesthetic, puritanical Christian part of me is starting to panic. Isn’t the root of all evil is money? I’m confused. Why is God trying to make his people wealthy when He knows the path it takes us to.
I guess you could argue there is a difference between money-rich and wealth. Maybe, and feel free to disagree, that wealthy is when the money itself is inconsequential. In the secular world, maybe wealth is what leads to gold toilets. I don’t know, does that make sense?
To avoid becoming (and this is literally a quote for Deuteronomy) “Tub of Lard” off of all the wealth God was planning on giving them, I’m guessing physically and spiritually, He asked them to tithe. To care for the Levites (the church) the orphans, the widows, the foreigners. To give to anyone who asks, as often and as much as they ask for it, to bring their first fruits to God and give thanks with all their Hearts. And to forsake worshiping Idols.
Idols. Those man made things that gave the Canaanites and Moabites a false sense of security- like they had power and control over their future. Hmm…a lot like that feeling I get on paycheck day.
(read the review here, if you like)
At the beginning of the show, as the audience takes their seats, they are handed cash. Ones, twenties, fivers, ect. The play (more of a monologue really) and circles around the subject of money and particularly America’s “Faith” in it (almost Worship of it, seems to be the implication). At the end of the show, the audience is informed that the cash in their hand is money from the performers bank account. They are left with a choice, pocket the money or leave it in a bowl on the way out. The reviewer notes that “After all, that dollar has been sitting in my pocket for two hours, and when I put it in the bowl it feels, for a fleeting moment, like I am actually giving up something.”
The pang of loss, surrender even, is I am ashamed to say not that far off from the feeling I get when I click the “Submit” (interesting word play, in this sense) button on my tithing day. It’s ridiculous! It’s not the much, and I intellectually believe that all money I have doesn’t belong to me at all! It ALL belongs to God. It is even more clear in my case because He, and He only, orchestrated getting me my job. The whole reason I have a paycheck at all is because of Him and I’m feeling loss with a measly $200 bucks a month? Is my attachment to money so great?
Why? Why do humans hate giving up, unclenching their hands from money? Mike Daisy, the performer (via the reviewer in this case) had an interesting insight “He illustrates the relationship between money and trust this way: “I don’t buy that. That’s what we say in our culture when we don’t believe something.” I don’t know the direction the author will take it, but for me it drives hard at our sense of control. We Americans, control our sense weakness through money. I love the indestructible feeling I get when I know my paycheck is sitting snugly in my bank. I have this sense that any calamity could come, and I could pay for it. Or I could walk in to a store on a whim and buy something useless, TWO even, and not be concerned with the consequences.
In some sense, we ought have that thrilling, come-hell-or-high-water sense ALL the time. Not because the number in our bank account swells twice a month, but because we have the God of the Universe as our generous Father. A father promising to bless us with life abundant. Someone told recently “We should live, in spontaneous generosity and unharrowed spirit, a like our father is a billionaire” I took that to mean that we are missing the point if we are scraping around for pennies, stressing and striving, when God it like “LOOK UP! I’m your provider!” We are too busy painfully sacrificing, to see that God is sending a Ram in the bushes.
So just what am I implying here? Am I saying to throw caution in the wind, stop worrying about budgets because when things get tight a miraculous check will appear in the mail from our Heavenly Billionair Father?
Honestly. At this point I don’t know. Maybe I am. This has happened before. And as I’m reading through the Old Testament scouring for the roots of tithing that’s pretty much God’s M.O. Manna from Heaven. Total reliance. To the Israelites he wasn’t just talking about spiritual blessing. He was talking about silver and gold and beer and farms they did not build and wells they did not dig, and parties and kids and milk and honey. Wealth. He wanted to make them wealthy. That aesthetic, puritanical Christian part of me is starting to panic. Isn’t the root of all evil is money? I’m confused. Why is God trying to make his people wealthy when He knows the path it takes us to.
I guess you could argue there is a difference between money-rich and wealth. Maybe, and feel free to disagree, that wealthy is when the money itself is inconsequential. In the secular world, maybe wealth is what leads to gold toilets. I don’t know, does that make sense?
To avoid becoming (and this is literally a quote for Deuteronomy) “Tub of Lard” off of all the wealth God was planning on giving them, I’m guessing physically and spiritually, He asked them to tithe. To care for the Levites (the church) the orphans, the widows, the foreigners. To give to anyone who asks, as often and as much as they ask for it, to bring their first fruits to God and give thanks with all their Hearts. And to forsake worshiping Idols.
Idols. Those man made things that gave the Canaanites and Moabites a false sense of security- like they had power and control over their future. Hmm…a lot like that feeling I get on paycheck day.
A Preface:
I'm giving fair warning: my next entry may be an opus (I mean in length, not in profundity). God is stirring up a lot of new thoughts which haven't been totally processed, but for now I'll give the Preface.
First of all, as a background, I have been binge-reading the Old Testament (seriously, 12 books in a week. Go iphone apps and long subway rides!)which I've never really done before. But anyway, I think that has been shifting my relationship with God in a big way. I feel like I get "The Fear" of God more than I ever have before (in a good way). He is so ancient and powerful I can hardly grasp it. It also make me appreciate His commandments as *COMMANDMENTS* and not just little "hints from heaven" which I am prone to do.
Second- there is a lot of untied strings. I was going to wait to publish it till it was more flushed out, but I think it would be better to publish first then if their is something that catches your eye as wrong, or you want more information then say and we can chat via comments. For example, I passingly mention miraculous intervention. I want to look more into that. Real life stories of when God stepped in a provided a concrete need. If this has happened to YOU, PLEASE PLEASE share that! I would love to hear it!
God is changing me. Right NOW. I can feel it. I think it is hilarious (and sort of embarrassing) that something as ridiculous as money was the catalyst, but I am coming to understand that the tiniest amount of faith is all God needs to roll up His sleeves and get to work.
First of all, as a background, I have been binge-reading the Old Testament (seriously, 12 books in a week. Go iphone apps and long subway rides!)which I've never really done before. But anyway, I think that has been shifting my relationship with God in a big way. I feel like I get "The Fear" of God more than I ever have before (in a good way). He is so ancient and powerful I can hardly grasp it. It also make me appreciate His commandments as *COMMANDMENTS* and not just little "hints from heaven" which I am prone to do.
Second- there is a lot of untied strings. I was going to wait to publish it till it was more flushed out, but I think it would be better to publish first then if their is something that catches your eye as wrong, or you want more information then say and we can chat via comments. For example, I passingly mention miraculous intervention. I want to look more into that. Real life stories of when God stepped in a provided a concrete need. If this has happened to YOU, PLEASE PLEASE share that! I would love to hear it!
God is changing me. Right NOW. I can feel it. I think it is hilarious (and sort of embarrassing) that something as ridiculous as money was the catalyst, but I am coming to understand that the tiniest amount of faith is all God needs to roll up His sleeves and get to work.
Monday, November 30, 2009
The Plot Thickens....
So things are about to get more interesting in this experiment. I'm now, as opposed to a month ago when I started tithing, totally unable to afford it. Some huge expenses came down the pipeline and the coming paycheck is pretty much all accounted for before I've even recieved it. NOW comes the tough part, tithing when there is no money to tithe. Obeying even when it doesn't make a lick of sense. God, you asked me to trust you, and I do. I know that you have good plans for me an that you know my needs before I ask. Amen.
Monday, November 23, 2009
First Report
So I am now into several weeks of tithing. There hasn’t been any major transformations- but I do feel like I have been watching and waiting. And, for me, that’s a start.
And come to think of it, there is more to that. I’m not sure if it’s living in New York City, but since I’ve moved here I feel like I have been caught up in a vicious cycle- wanting, needing, not having, wanting more, spending, wanting again- and while in the last two weeks I haven’t left that cycle (at all, really), I feel like God has entered into it with me. Not necessarily commenting, just observing, just present with me in those thoughts. Previously, I think I specifically kept God out of any thoughts or conversations that had to do with my personal materialism (of course in more desperate financial jams, I would shoot up a plea “FIX THIS?!”) maybe because I thought I would feel judged or convicted. But I have to say that this subtle entrance of God into my previously “private sphere” has been accompanied by surprisingly little guilt. I honestly feel like He’s just checking it out, glad to have been invited in. While I am still in the vicious cycle I feel I have gained the slightest, almost imperceptible ability to see the cycle from the outside looking in. Is that possible? While God is checking out things from your perspective, does He allow you a glimpse from His?
Anyway, I feel like something is about to happen. Not sure what it is, but my first report from the trenches is- something’s brewing. And I like that.
ps. I know a few other people have also recently began their own resolutions to tithe. Any updates? Stories for your side of things?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Experimental Tithing
Theoretically, I have always been a huge fan of tithing. Granted my basis for approaching tithing came more from the economic “free rider problem” than the scriptures. Clearly, we could all agree, that every social movement requires input to sustain forward propulsion- time, energy, labor, money- from each of it’s members, and we could also concede that in every social movement their will be undoubtedly free riders who consume the movement without their fair share of input. I guess I have come to peace with my free rider status.
And as I’m beginning to find out, I’m not alone in my resignation. Maybe it’s our constant transitioning between places, maybe it’s that fact that we have student loans that need paying off, maybe it’s the fact that the tithing seems pretty Old Testament (10%? come on now, that’s a pretty steep “Membership Fee”), maybe (and this would be me) we’ve never really investigated the issue with full spiritual attention.
Through the haze of apathy there has always been a dim recollection of softly calling verses impressed in my mind, that gave the eerie feeling that God wasn’t talking about economics at all. In Deuteronomy 14, the standard requirement of, “Make an offering of ten percent, a tithe, of all the produce which grows in your fields year after year” is paired intriguingly with the declaration that….“in this way you will learn to live in deep reverence before your God, as long as you live.”
This of course is patiently explained every week as we are reminded that the basket passing through our hands is just another form of worship. But it hardly feels like any other form of worship, does it? Running through the list of classic worships I know, worships I can feel- prayer, music, meditation, fasting- I realize they have in common what I understand to be the point of worship: as they honor the object of worship, they transform the worshiper. Can a person be transformed through tithing? Well. And then there is the blessing part. Let’s be perfectly frank- no conversation about tithing can be totally sincere without acknowledging this little treasure of a verse: “ Bring your full tithe to the Temple Treasury so there will be ample provisions for my Temple. Test me in this and see if I don’t open up the heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams.” (Mal 3) Ok. I’m convinced. I’ll at least try it. I am going to, for the first time in my life, tithe 10% of my first fruits (meaning before I take myself out to dinner with my paycheck, before I pay my bills) I tithe. Then I watch, and I wait. And I try to write.
I have to add, even as I make this yet theoretical and yet digital declaration, my mind runs to calculating the sum. And then thinking about the debts I owe, and the bills I have, and Christmas coming, and things I have been waiting ages to buy. Is this really practical? Possible? Ironic that I can’t do mental math to save my life and I am not anywhere near “good with money” but the moment I so much as contemplate tithing I am suddenly crunching the numbers rigorously in my mind and frowning discerningly that, “this just doesn’t make sound financial sense.” Ok. Well so be it, the lilies of the field and all that.
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